


A Christmas Present

by wholockedpsycho7



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Also this is not actually about Christmas, Cell 426, Gen, I swear it's alright, New installment, One Shot, based on a random prompt on Pinterest, come on it's August people, river is the clever one in storm cage, she doesn't like it, there's this clever chick that shows up in storm cage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-09
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 15:00:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7719322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wholockedpsycho7/pseuds/wholockedpsycho7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River Song hated Katelyn Tilde. In fact, hate may not be a strong enough word. </p><p>She dislikes her not because she is particularly evil- River has done far worse than what the other woman is in for- but because she is simply infuriating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Christmas Present

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, I realize I put a ridiculous amount of tags on this. Oh well. 
> 
> So I was going to be all nice and artsy and have a deep song lyric for a title, but then the closest thing I found was in a song called Puke (by Eminen). And that was so trashy it made my kitchen garbage can look appetizing. So, here's a lame title that barely relates to the plot at all instead.

River Song hated Katelyn Tilde. In fact, hate may not be a strong enough word. 

She dislikes her not because she is particularly evil- River has done far worse than what the other woman is in for- but because she is simply infuriating. And not in the (sort of) endearing way the Doctor is when he's on a sugar high. 

  River had been in her cell for a few days- she had a project (read: heist) to organize, so she had decided to stay at the prison for a week or two when Kate had showed up.  

  
Kate came to Stormcage a little over a week before Christmas, a guard escorting her with a light grip on the elbow.  "Thanks, Trevor," She had purred into his ear, then slipped into the cell across from River's and shut the door behind her as she watched the light-haired man of roughly 20 turn red. 

Now, if it was just this- just being able to manipulate the guards as River did constantly- River wouldn't be this worked up about it. She might be annoyed, yes, but she wouldn't want to throttle the woman every time she opened her mouth. 

At the time, River had rolled her eyes and gotten back to her book on 22nd century Greece. The other woman didn't speak to her until an hour or so had passed, in which time she had hung fairy lights around her cell, made her bed with some very nice furs, and hung several articles of clothing up on the hooks each cell had on the right wall. Several pairs of killer heels- some of which River had herself- were slid under the bed and a small TV went up facing the small cot. 

All of which was curious- Kate had only one small duffel bag thrown over shoulder when she walked in, so it had to be bigger on the inside for all of the articles to fit. 

Again, River felt a sort of petty annoyance come over her at the thought that someone else could have a semblance of control in the prison. And, of course, the fact that the warden had put someone else on this block. She'd have thought he'd have learned his lesson by now- River needed a certain amount of space. Any other prisoners that were placed down here mysteriously appeared, sleeping, on the desk in his office when he arrived at work the next morning. So, conveniently, she'd been left alone after the first year. 

Kate had laid down on her cot, stretched, and let out a rather obnoxious yawn. "This place is dreary, isn't it? You'd think they'd all get tired of seeing the same gray walls for years on end. Plus the absurd amount of rain." She shook her head. "I think maybe a nice yellow, maybe blue." She had looked down the hallway. "What do you think?" 

River had lazily looked up from her book. "I think neither would match my duvet." 

"No. They'd look fine with mine, though." She had leaned forward, surveying River's cell. "Nice pool." 

She had hummed in affirmation and flipped the page in her book. 

"Perhaps I'll take a dip sometime." 

At this point, River had had enough. "Sure. As soon as you get through both of these cells' security measures and my own without being electrocuted." With that, she pressed a button on a nearby remote and watched her black out screen roll down, blocking Kate and the hallway from view. 

\------

River slept long, and she slept hard. She didn't dream. 

When she wakes, she realizes why. The hall is visible now- her blackout screen gone. 

Her cell and all other visible walls are painted a mute yellow- to be quite honest, it was actually a lovely color. 

But it didn't match her duvet. 

She turned to glare at the occupant of the cell across from hers.

The other prisoner was painting her nails with a satisfied smirk. 

\-----

It didn't end there, though. River had immediately began plotting ways to get rid of her without actually murdering her that day, but had made the mistake of assuming certain things about Kate. 

For example, she assumed that the young woman wasn't too great at recognizing a trap. From the information River had gotten, she'd been caught trying to steal Queen Tryanna's prized cloak- it could fetch a pretty penny if you knew the right people. It wasn't even that hard to get- the security consisted of  a system of lasers and one or two Judoon. 

The ugly rhinos had escorted her to a nearby prison immediately.

 But Kate had decided a few days ago to take up River's offer for a swim, and had broken into her cell, gotten past her carefully rigged alarms and traps, and didn't wake her up until she made an impressive cannon-ball into her pool, splattering River and further enraging the curly-haired psychopath. 

\------

River would've gotten rid of Kate already, if she weren't such a light sleeper. Even with her extensive training, she couldn't so much as open her cell door without the little twat stirring. 

When the guards brought their meals on the fourth day, Kate's flirting landed more sweets. 

When River rigged an explosive in the pool on the fifth day, it never tripped and Kate performed an impressive series of dives. 

When she tried to research on the sixth day, Kate whistled a rendition of a Justin Bieber song for three hours straight. 

When River poisoned Kate's meatloaf on the seventh day, she sweetly asked the guards for a new plate, and received. 

And so it went for another three days.

\-----

On Christmas morning, Kate was found shivering and tightly bound in the rain outside the warden's window, a large bow duck-taped to her forehead. 

"Well, m'am," The man said as he took the prisoner in from inside his office, looking to the warden who had come to check on her former prisoner. "I do believe you owe me five hundred credits." 

 

 

 

 


End file.
